One train ride

Ade is doubting that I can be shy in front of girls. But I AM shy some times.

What I came to realise, is that I will get pretty nervous in front of girls who attract me.

I don't seem to be able to be natural in front of a girl who happens to be "MY TYPE" of girl.

So if I can talk to the girl very naturally and without a stumble or two in my words, then most probably that girl does not appeal to me to a great extent.

I'm a nerd la. My heart races everytime someone who appeals to me talk to me or what.

I was on the train just now and there happened to be this girl who was pretty attractive. Beautiful eyes plus nice long wavy hair(very important point). My guess she's probably one or two years younger than me. Then we had one eye contact when I looked around the crowded cabin. That's when I noticed her actually. I had a feeling that she took note of me first, like when I ran into the cabin or what, since she was looking at me first.

Then I took out my book to read, but felt really uncomfortable. From the corner of my eye I can see her taking occasional glances at me. She was not stupid enough to stare at me and wait for me to have some reaction; that would be too obvious, desperate, and perverted. But she looked and turned away and looked and turned away from time to time, as though waiting for some eye contacts.

So there was once I BRACED MYSELF and looked at her direction, and her piercing huge eyes looked back. WOOSH. ELECTROCUTED.

From what I remembered, I looked down too quickly, before she did. I was really shy!!! She seems to be daring enough to hope for the eye contact to linger longer or turn into a smile. Shit. I was SUCH A LOSER. COWARD.

Then I began texting Adeline. And she starts texting too. Body language one - Mirroring the other party. We were standing side by side. She was about five steps away from me. We were facing opposite direction. But though her feet were pointing towards the glass window that direction, her body seems to twist slightly towards her left (she is standing on my left), to face me, to see my side view. Body language two - position yourself so as to be seen and have a better view.

My side view sucks la. What the hell. But I guess when I turned my head to my left to look in her direction, my face is angled in a good fashion. My side view looks bad la 'cos I do not have a fanstatic nose, and my front view might make my face seem big, so that angle which i looked at her would be just right I think.

TSK TSK TSK.

You might be thinking that I was and am thinking too much, don't cha?

Then when she had enough. She walked a few steps forward and stood less than half a mentre away from me. Like directly to my side. I almost fainted. I guess she might have gotten a little worried that I may be alighting in a few stops, which I really was, thus she took the initiative.

But BEING A COWARD I did not do anything. Just look down and look down. I hope I didn't blush too badly though. But what can I do!? I think her friend and sister were there too. Asking for a stranger's number is already bizzare enough. Doing it in the public is worse. Doing it openly on a train, risking to be called crazy/desperate/pervert, would be a nightmare!

Plus I have low self esteem with attractive girls who appeal to me. SHY. If I get rejected I might bite my tongue and die on the spot. HAHAHHAHA.

In the end I alighted. I looked back but she didn't; her back was facing me. Maybe wrong timing. But I guess she wouldn't wanna look back at a coward. OH I'M SUCH A LOSER. AHHHHHHHH!

TSK TSK.