Ran over

I was told that I am like Yao Ming holding a jockey stick playing hockey. I think he's just trying to make this more optimistic for me.

In my opinion, I'm not even in the sports field now. I'm like fish out of water. In a complete different world.

But I will survive this. I know I will. There is nothing I can't do. I had been through so much already! So much! The current situation may not be what I wanted to be, but at least it is not like last time. I should be grateful that I'm out of it already.

Recently I had read three books which talk a lot about the suppression of the people in Iran, Afghan and Burma. People whose lives are so sad and full of tragic. They lived in fear and emptiness. There was no hope in sight. But they hung on. They refused to give up on life and themselves. They braced through each day strongly.

Compared to them I'm living such comfortable life. I'm just taking things for granted. And this attitude of mine kills all happiness which I should enjoy.

I think I'll be really sad when Rich and Hans go away. Life will be back to normal. No friends to keep me companied, to understand what I wanna say, to join me for sentry, to talk to me about books and share knowledge of the countries I have never been before with me ...
They are such wonderful people. With them around I do not have to think about facing other people. With them around I feel safe, like there is a group where i belong.

I think no one at my workplace understands how I feel. Maybe one, maybe none. Everyone has their own clique since they arrives in batches. Nobody cares about me too I guess. Whatever man. I shall not get emo over such things. Thankfully I still have maintenance people who are on the same frequency as me, thus being good company. But they are really busy with their own stuffs and we are in different offices. Sad la.

In my office, frequencies are all over the place. So sometimes we match each other in our thinking, but most of the time, no. And workload can vary a lot a lot. And my upper study isn't a good partner to work with. Oh I hate this. Like the one whom I'm suppose to work with and learn from isn't someone who deserves to be looked up to. Sad case. My supervisor isn't a mature and easy to work with person also. She got mood swings often and likes to pull rank sometimes.

Well one thing I learnt is that there is no perfect workplace. In school you may have a clique which you call perfect, but at work, you can't choose the people you want to work with. The people are there, the setting is like that, so you better adapt well to it or you DIE.

You will die from exhaustion to please everyone. You will die from people ganging up behide your back to get at you. You will die from people pulling rank with cha. You will die from condemnation. You will die from boredom and loneliness. You will die from shutting yourself up.

I can be a vibrant and noisy person. That's who I am actually. Most of the time the group of people I'm with burst with laughters and we always have fun being together. I'm the fun kinda person. Yet my upper study can tell me that I'm like a loner who is quiet and most of the time in his world.

Well I guess I behave according to how I feel in that environment. I found out that everything I face people at my workplace I'll always be smiling or faking a laugh. Like I really do not know how to respond to some of them and thus choose to show that I'm happy seeing them so as to avoid any unnecessary misunderstanding. Yeah, no matter how fake my smile and laugh is, it will always be better than a frown or glare, or better, silence and indifference.

I face many people a day, but most of the time they are just coming to me for a favour. I think i got used to that already. I'm in charge of admin! What can I expect? Like people come to my office to ask how am i doing? What the hell.

And it happened too many times that people take advantage of one another.

I actually feel that it is not a good thing to be diligent at my workplace, because lazy people will make use of you. SO FINALLY I know what it means to work smart, not work hard.

Lazy people are plenty, lying ALL OVER THE PLACE.

And I had spent almost one hour blogging this. Oh dear. I need my sleep. Tomorrow will be a great day. I believe that whatever you believe will come to past. Keeping a good attitude is important too. Alright, God bless those who see this. Doubt there will be more than a handful of you. Ha.

God bless you (: