Bored

Pretty much the same for all the CNY that i'd been through.
Visiting relatives and getting ang-bao-s.
Eating good food, and waiting for the time to pass?

But i don't want time to pass so quickly. Well at least half of me don't want to go back to tekong so soon. But the boredom is killing me. I sort of miss the everyday-got-different-acitivites-waiting-for-me kinda lifestyle. Haha. I'm mad.

I feel that i'm kinda leading a double-life now - soldier vs civilian.

Sometimes i like it, sometimes i dont.

These days i'm pretty emotionally unstable i guess. I need time to adapt further to my new lifestyle. But now i'm sort of used to the army lifestyle la. I guess getting used and fully adapted meant different things.

You may be a diver but still not a fish.

Yea, i still need to take a breath every now and then before diving in again into my adventurous life. A good one though, or i'll drown. Literally.

After the CNY holiday - i'm booking in on sat night - i'll be having my sit test, where i'll spend 3 days 2 nights in the jungle.

The sit test (situational test) is extremely important, because whether i'll be going to specialist school, OCS or remain as a common man in army, in the very near future, will depend pretty heavily on it.

Stress sia.

Moreover the people around me are pretty competitive, as in capable. There are quite a number who also yearn to be on the OCS list.

I still doesn't have the burning passion that i ought to have yet.

Well, why must i ought to have anyway? Just because people around me are like that?

I DONT KNOW LA.

I told you i'm unstable. Now i'm really getting there.

I think a lot, and most of the time i think too much.
But i like to think. It is a sinful indulgence though.


There are people who i read easily while there are some who are wooo-ha DIFFICULT. But they remain interesting (:
I'm a pysco. Truly.
But there are some people whom i don't read so much into(like, so very natually); or rather i don't wish to read them - i think they are probably people who i feel more comfortable with. People who i trust(like, very so natually). Maybe we are fated to be good friends together as planned by God.


When i read people, heavy judgement, critical evaluation, firm assumptions, and holistic predictions will be put onto them. It is a burden, for both me and the person. Because from then on, i would be looking at the person through tainted glasses. Unless something happens that help me change my perception of the person. Well, of course i wont be rigid and inflexible with my impression of the person. But most of the time my conclusion on that person is correct. He is what i think he is inside.
Yea yea, then you would probably say you think you are always right.
Yah, frankly i think so. Who doesn't? Well this is so not an assumption too.

And i hate it when a person doesn't have his own stand, and needs to bend his own words and beliefs to be in accordance with the rest of the world.
CUMON! Stick to what you say and be bold enough to be different.
Being different doesn't mean that you are weaker. Yes, you may be vulnerable. But holding on strongly to yourself and all you are will at least be more persevering than abandoning everything you are. Or else, in the end, you will only be nothing. Nothing.

Be brave to be yourself.
Say what you want to say.
Everyday the world change and change.
If there is no constancy in you and what you believe in
Your word will be mere sand of the desert -
Easily blown and stirred,
Its master powerless and forever bowing to the forces of Nature.


I don't trust people easily either. Yet sometimes i can just click *snaps fingers* with someone so well. And when i look them in their eyes, i know that they are good people who i can trust. Perhaps not my life, but i believe that they will be there for me when i need help.

This world is crazy. I'm going to sleep soon. Cherish and reasure your bed while you can all you people.